Finding out about death on Facebook

My Friday should have been a typical one, work, have a drink after work, go home.

Instead, filled with flu I headed out to a very early morning meeting in Pretoria and then headed home to work on the couch.

This meant that I only logged on to my facebook in the afternoon. This was where I found out that yet another one of my friends had died.
A bit of further investigation revealed that he had taken his own life. The day after his birthday.

Now I understand that social media is the way of the future in terms of information dissemination, just look at the latest earthquake in Japan and all the consumer generated content that was then broadcast across the traditional media channels.

I am however feeling quite freaked out about the amount of friends I have lost over the last year or so and found out about their death via Facebook.
This time however, I have had a sleepless night about why? Not why did he do it, but why did no one step in and do more to help him deal with his depression.

Rob was recently dealing with a break-up of his relationship and for months he has been posting very tragic messages on Facebook about his feelings, which were obviously him reaching out. I had been in contact with him sending him songs that I would listen to and make me feel better about my own break-up. He seemed to be coming out of the deep depression, going out more and showing more joy in his posts. Unfortunately, in hindsight, he was just covering up.

I am not close enough to him to know what triggered the final decision to end his life except his birthday.

My concern however is peoples shock and horror at finding out that he had committed suicide. There are always signs. In hindsight, we can always see the signs. People start pulling back from friends and family, spending more and more time alone. It has become common for people who are feeling low and isolated to broadcast their pain on social media.

I have lost the trust of my nephew who was displaying the exact posts and pain that Rob was displaying. The difference is I spoke to my brother who confronted him about his posts and depression. My nephew de-friended me on Facebook, so I could not see his post anymore. I can only hope that I managed to save him from killing himself then and we can only hope that he has been thought to think of the pain he would leave behind if he ever did decide to take his own life. Maybe one day when he is older we can maybe discuss it and he can see that my intentions were not to alienate him or sell him out, but that my intentions were good. For his own good.

So today, I am going to ask everyone to take a good look at the people around you. Hug them, kiss them, tell them that you care and they mean so much to you. Open up that circle a little wider and find the people that might need you to tell them that too, to the people that might be feeling a bit down, sad, overwhelmed and hopeless. Today is the day you reach out.

New Years Resolutions

The best topic of discussions being back at work has been what the year is holding for us going forward.

Everyone I know has suffered some kind of setback in 2010. No-one close to me has had a fantastic year, be in work, health, relationships...

So 2011 is set to be the next best thing to going vegan.

So for many years I have not made new years resolutions as such, rather trying to improve on aspects of my life and being every day / week / month.

General "I am going to be good to me and my body" resolutions have topped the list for the last 2 years.

This year however, I have quite a few things I would like to improve on.

Having been given and read the book "Skinny Bitch" I have vowed to eliminate as many animal products from my diet as I can possibly manage.

This is very hard to do, as eating out is a challenge in itself. The one vice I refuse to give up however, is Sushi. Sorry Mr Salmon, but you are on my hitlist! I did find out that Miso Soup is one of the healthiest meals you can consume. I have always had this as part of my sushi experience, but now I will have it every time I go.

The second vice I am eliminating for the month of Jan is booze. Now this is a serious commitment as my birthday is in Jan, so understand that this may take some serious control.

Thirdly, gymming more than 3 times a week is a must, with some added help from my friends. I am recruiting 2 friends to gym with to ensure this happens.

I have also committed to 2 new projects, opening a business with some friends and writing my first book.

These both have deadlines attached to them, so my time is going to be limited.

So the last resolution it to restrict and cull all unnecessary "friends", activities and guilt time that I give to people that I begrudge and rather spend this time on the people I love and care for.


2011 I am here to kick your butt!
BoYah!!

Cementing our own Limiting beliefs

I have been spending days on end mulling over life, love and trying to solve the world’s problems in my head and the one aspect of human nature that keeps coming up in conversation is based on our own limits we place on ourselves.
It is quite amusing when speaking to people, how you can pick up their blocks that they are building around themselves, all to the detriment of our own happiness.
Why is it that we naturally place deal breakers in place when building relationships?
Is this based on past experiences we have been through, or seen these happen in other people’s lives, or are we being indoctrinated by society, organizations and religion?
I have a friend that is so in love with someone of a different religion and has conditions in place for the special someone to convert to their religion before any sort of relationship can proceed. In my opinion, religion is a personal belief and something that should not be imposed onto someone else. But this person is denying themselves a potentially perfectly normal, happy and fulfilling relationship / soul mate / marriage and family based on someone else’s religious beliefs.
Personally my relationship deal breakers are based on abuse: Physical, alcohol and drug abuse to be exact. Coming from a household where this was so rife, I had to make a stand and vow never to be in that situation again. So as soon as I see these traits come out in someone, I remove myself from that situation.
Infidelity is a hard one, as this can take on many forms. Emotional infidelity, to me, has left the deepest scar. It is almost like the physical act does not compare to the lying, deceit and betrayal you feel on discovering your partner has not been honest. In fact, that they have been fabricating another life in order to cover up the infidelity.
What other barriers are we building with regards to friendships, work and adventure that we are cementing into firm beliefs? Truths that cannot be broken, even to our own detriment and happiness?

This life we live is an adventure, but it is the journey we should be taking note of

I have just arrived home from a premier of the movie 180’ South.
More of a documentary of one man’s quest to follow in the footsteps of some of his hero’s to climb the mountains of Patagonia.

His journey takes you through the trials and tribulations of him getting to the final destination as well as his personal learning’s along the way.
The sad part is that there is no Al Gore in a supporting role. You get taken on a rollercoaster ride of magnificent visuals, massive mountains, beautiful valleys and amazing surfing footage alongside the absolute raping of the natural environments for industry. But this is not something that is going to be widely viewed by the general money hungry population.
The one man’s quest for a summit of a particular mountain is overshadowed by the conservation efforts of a handful of people trying to stop large companies from building bridges across rivers in Patagonia to supply power to the major cities of Chile like Santiago.

I was constantly reminded of some friends that I have that have not conceded to the materialism of this planet and are those guys that pack up their lives in a backpack sans the surfboard and head off into unravelled territories to find solitude.

One quote from the movie stood out for me as majorly profound: “ The hardest thing you can do is simplify your life!”

I have on the odd occasion found myself culling possessions in this quest for simplification. And yet I felt massive pangs of guilt getting home and seeing that the very things these guys are trying to curb allow me to charge my ipod for hours on end.

As I embark on my own journey to Beline in Mozambique in just over 24 hours, I am taking the time to reflect on my place in this world. I know I need to heal my heart and soul, but I also want to connect with nature again. Clear my head and get close to the angels. With this in mind it made sense that today when I was looking for a book to take with in case of some bad weather, I found myself buying a blank journal. So I can spend my time reflecting.

I am looking forward to planning my next adventure. I have a list the length of my arm of places I still want to explore. We just need to remember that it is not the destination that we should be aiming for, but rather living in the moment of the journey, appreciating every day for the wonders of nature and the fantastic people that we allow into our lives.

At what point do you let go?

I am pretty sure that most people know someone that abuses some kind of substance.
Be it alcohol, weed or any harder kind of drug.
A mate of mine is addicted to Cocaine.
He is at a point where he has lost his job, lost all his friends and even if he has not realised it yet, is about to lose his paternal rights to his daughter.
So I was doing some research on the subject, as there needs to be a time where you say enough is enough!
Functional drug abusers are one thing, but to sit back and watch a friend hit rock bottom is worse. Hell is trying to help them and being slapped in the face around every corner.
Extracted from coca leaves, cocaine was originally developed as a painkiller. It is most often sniffed, with the powder absorbed into the bloodstream through the nasal tissues. It can also be ingested or rubbed into the gums.
To more rapidly absorb the drug into the body, abusers inject it, but this substantially increases the risk of overdose. Inhaling it as smoke or vapor speeds absorption with less health risk than injection.
Popular street names include Aunt Nora, Bernice, binge, blow, Charlie, dust, mojo, nose candy, paradise, toot and white.
“Addiction should be understood as a chronic
recurring illness that requires treatment.”

Having watched endless episodes of Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew, I did manage to understand some of the issues surrounding someone addicted to a drug of this nature.
The respect for themselves hits rock bottom, they lie, they cheat and they lie a little more.
All to get to the high that they think will get them out of the hole they are constantly digging for themselves.
So where to from here? Is rehab the only option? Does rehab work? How do you get to someone that is so far down the road that they need more than just an intervention, because if left alone after a 12 step programme, they will head back to the same dodgy street corner to score?
There are so many prescription pills on the market that are there to assist people to get off the harder stuff. But this is a never ending saga of going around in circles. I knew a guy that gave up booze only to chain smoke himself to death. Where do you draw the line?
What are the deal breakers for friends of addicts?
When do you let go?

When is it time to let go?

People all start something with a dream, a dream of success.
Be this a new job or career, a relationship or marriage, a new venture or chance at a different life.

The uphill battles that accompany anything new sometimes feel impossible. Dealing with people, laws, criticisms and possibly failure must be one of the hardest things to overcome.
To make sure that you get out of bed every day and continue with that fight to get to your dream is definitely the hardest part of any venture.
Starting a new job, career or company is so daunting. Having done this myself, I can relate to the late night working just to get through the workload. The sleepless nights wondering where the next pay check is coming from.
Apart from all the elements you may or may not understand, like in my case business law and taxes.

I do feel particularly sorry for artists in this world.
This covers all artists like designers, writers, musicians and the like. Having to produce parts of yourself everyday for external scrutiny must be mortifying. I have seen clients ripping apart advertising concepts with no real knowledge of what they particularly wanted or no regard for their bad briefing techniques.
Don’t get me started on muso’s. These poor guys literally spend hours composing tracks and songs to put out on radio only to be dissed by the music fraternity that should be supporting them in the first place. It is the one industry that makes it so hard to succeed that natural talent goes to waste as people quit before they can make it.

My latest whinge is definitely about the state of relationships in the world.
I am the most disappointed with the lack of integrity and willingness to work on something that needs time and a bit of effort. This disposable nation we live in where there is instant gratification and throwaway anything and everything. Nothing is built to last and no one is prepared to put in the time and effort to work on something good.
I have found that with time and age, I have managed to work through the friendships that matter and are worth spending time and effort with and know when to let go and not pay attention and allocate time to the people that are not worth it.
The biggest question with regards to all of this is, when do you know when to let go?
When do you say no to toxic relationships, bad jobs and backstabbing work colleagues.
When do you take what the general public say seriously and when do you believe in yourself and your values that what they say does not matter?

The spring / summer obsession

So the gymming obsession has begun.

Throughout the winter months only the regular gym bunnies and boy bodybuilders and hectic runners were in the gym.
The rest of the nation was snuggled up on the couch eating themselves into a bad body image.

Virgin Active has launched their Colour meFit plan where they do lots of programmes to get new people signed up and back into the gym.

This means that there is no parking, crowded tredmills and lots of people very miserable with their bikini body that they do nothing but winge and whine at the personal trainers trying to get them to move their wobbly winter asses into action.

The one girl that really got my goat was a woman that was about 10kg overweight. Her "hate handles' were mushrooming over her pants and her stomach was a 10 year heart attack waiting to happen.
The personal trainer she had hired was desperately trying to get her to do some squats which even on my good days are a shocker!
After 2 minutes of this, she spent 5 minutes listening to him speak about his kid while she paid him to make her stand still.

She then proceeded to ask him if this exercise was going to help her lose weight!
ONE SESSION and some SQUATS and already she is on the question path of "is this going to make me lose weight???"

I felt like interjecting and giving her the real advice on how to lose the weight!
30km's of running a week
Wire your jaws shut and stop eating all that McDonalds
Stop whining and get moving rather than speaking shit to your personal trainer!

I have been working on my body and self image for 2 years. 2 years to take 8% of my body fat and get it out of my body and these women are expecting 10 minutes of gym to miraculously make all their issues disappear!.

It is no wonder that all the women’s magazines are selling copies based on getting a bikini body is 4 weeks and losing all that winter fat in no time!
Since starting life coaching, I am wondering if my solutions driven opinions will be well received instead of the “so what do you think your problems are?” that normal coaches and shrinks do.

I personally feel people need a strong straight talking person to kick them up the rear instead of having people pussyfoot around issues.